Understanding the Sermon: Legal Basis and Procedures – In the Islamic religion, marriage is one of the most recommended acts of worship and is included in the prophet’s sunnah. If you only know that engagement is a process leading to marriage. So in Islam you will know what is called sermon. Khitbah is one of the processes or bridges leading to the platform organized by Islam.
Although not the same, the sermon becomes one of the processes that is almost similar to the engagement. If seen from a linguistic point of view, sermon has the meaning of asking, proposing, or courting a woman to be used as a wife.
In the KHI or Compilation of Islamic Law, the sermon is an effort to move towards the realization of a match between a man and a woman. Sermons can also be said to be the process of a man asking a woman to become his wife by using things that are commonly done in society.
Khitbah is one of the proposal processions where parties from the male family visit the home of the prospective bride. In the meeting, the man’s family will reveal the purpose of coming to the house, which is to invite the prospective bride to build a household or get married.
The application can be submitted directly by the prospective groom or it can also be submitted by a representative from the trusted family and in accordance with religious provisions. In the sermon process, the woman only has to answer “yes” or “no”.
If the bride-to-be agrees to the sermon, then she can be called a makhthubah, which means a woman who has been officially proposed to by a man. That way, the woman is not allowed to accept proposals from other men.
Things observed before the sermon
Before performing the sermon, the prospective groom needs to pay attention and understand some things that are used to determine which woman he will propose to. This is meant to prevent unwanted things from happening in the future.
Because we need to understand that marriage is a very sacred thing and cannot be done in a playful way and not following religious rules. Therefore, the following are some conditions that you must do before giving a sermon.
1. Understand and Have Met or Seen Bride Candidates
This is indeed not included in the obligation in the sermon process. But it is recommended to do so so as not to cause slander or problems in the future.
2. Female Bride Candidates Are Not In The Sermon Process With Other Men
This is based on the words of the Prophet Muhammad SAW, “A man is not allowed to propose to a woman who has been proposed to by his brother.” (HR. Ibnu Majah)
3. Women Are Allowed To Accept Or Reject Men Who Propose To Her
When proposing, it is good if the female candidate is asked and waits for the answer first. This is intended so that there is no coercion that occurs in the sermon process.
4. It is not allowed to propose to a woman who is in the period of Iddah
A woman who is in the period of iddah or who has just died, divorced by her husband, has a grace period during which she is not allowed to remarry. If the period of the iddah has not yet been completed, then the man must wait first and is forbidden to propose to her directly.
5. Choosing a Partner That Suits the Prophet’s Teachings
Whether it’s a man or a woman, they should choose a partner based on their religion. Only after that can you choose a partner based on good looks, beauty, lineage, and wealth.
Principles of Sermon Law
Islam not only regulates marriage, but also about sermons. In Al Quran , Allah SWT said: “There is no sin for anyone who proposes to those women by hiding or just with a desire in the heart to marry them in your heart.
Allah understands that you will mention their names, therefore you should not mention the promise of marriage with the women in secret, except just to say (to them) a good word.
And don’t be determined or determined to get married, before the woman finishes her iddah period. And know that Allah SWT knows everything that is in your heart, so fear Him and you need to know that Allah SWT is Most Forgiving and Most Merciful. (QS Al-Baqarah: 235).
In a hadith, the Prophet SAW said: “Prophet Muhammad SAW forbade a person to buy something that his brother is buying or bargaining for, and the Messenger of God also forbade a person to propose to a woman who has been betrothed until the person who proposes leaves the woman or allows her.
Sermon Terms and Limitations
According to the narration of some great scholars, the sermon is classified as an introduction and preparation before the wedding. Conducting a sermon that binds a woman before deciding to marry is permissible. As long as the terms and conditions of the sermon can be fulfilled according to Islamic law.
Khitbah is allowed in Islam because it aims to find out the willingness of the woman to be betrothed. At the same time as a promise process that the man is serious about marrying the woman.
The following are some conditions for women who are allowed to preach, among others:
1. It can be done to women who are still single or widows who have completed their Eid period.
2. Women who are not in the period of iddah. In the Qur’an, Allah SWT says: “And the husband has the right to refer to the ex-wife during the waiting period, when the husbands want to marry.” (QS Al-Baqarah: 228)
3. Women are not mahram for other men
4. Women who are not or have not been proposed to by a man. The Prophet SAW said: “You (a man) should not propose to a woman whose brother has already betrothed her. Before the man left the woman or already allowed it. (HR Abu Hurairah)
On the other hand, the sermon is one of the stages or processes before the marriage, but is not included in the marriage. So, even though they have been preached, they will still have limitations that the bride-to-be should know.
1. The sermon does not mean that a relationship between a man and a woman becomes halal. Both still have to remain within the sharia corridor. Even though it has been preached, but they must still take care of each other’s actions and attitudes that are prohibited by religion. In addition, they should also keep each other away by keeping a distance between the two sides.
2. The duration of sermons and weddings should not be too long. Both parties should hasten the marriage to avoid slander and various things that are not good.
Quoted from a Syariah Scientific Journal which obtained research results and showed that the concept of ta’aruf in the Al Quran refers to the introduction of social background, personality, culture, education, religion, and also family.
Sermons and ta’aruf in the Quran recommend prioritizing religious aspects compared to other aspects. Because, only religion can perpetuate a marriage. But on the other hand, lineage, wealth, beauty or good looks, and even position will fade and disappear as time goes by.
You need to know that there are two ways to deliver the sermon. First, with speech and words that are not clear or not straightforward.
The second is by using clear speech and in a straightforward manner. In addition, there are also some things that you need to pay attention to, both from the male and female sides. This becomes one of the important things in order to obtain a smooth preaching process leading to marriage. Here are some things you should pay attention to:
1. Knowing and Seeing Prospective Wives
Although not an obligation, but this is highly recommended before you do the sermon process. This is intended to avoid slander and doubts from men. Looking here means evaluating how the woman who will be preached in the eyes of Sharia or syar’i rules.
That is also included in the mustahsinah conditions or conditions that encourage the man to find out more about the woman he is going to preach. The man has the right to know in advance the nature and character of the woman to be betrothed.
2. The candidate is not in the process of being proposed to by someone else
Before giving a sermon, the most important thing for men to do is to find out about the status of the woman who will be preached. Is the woman still in the process of being preached to with another man or not. Don’t let it happen that you have done the sermon process, but it turns out that the woman is still in the sermon process with another man.
From Ibn Umar RA, the Prophet SAW said: “None of you should propose to someone who is being proposed to by his brother, until the first suitor leaves or allows him.” (HR Muttafaq Alaihi).
3. Women Have the Right to Reject and Accept Sermons
The prospective bride has the right to accept or reject the proposal that comes to her. Therefore, in the preaching process, the man must ask first and wait until the woman gives an answer. On the other hand, neither men nor women are allowed to force women to be betrothed.
According to the hadith of the Prophet SAW, he said: A widow has more rights over herself than her guardian. Similarly, a girl who has the right to herself in relation to her affairs. His permission is his silence. (Muttafaqun Alaih) .
In the Islamic religion, it has never been forbidden to cancel the sermon or proposal process. This is because the sermon is only a process leading to the altar and not a marriage contract. Even so, caution is needed when canceling a sermon. Because it could hurt other people’s feelings.
When the men want to cancel the sermon. It is actually not allowed to take back anything that has been given to the women when they are in the preaching process. The Prophet SAW said: It is not halal for a Muslim to give something to another person, then he asks for it back. Except the gift of a father to his children. (HR Ahmad).
Because, the sermon itself is a process aimed at the level of marriage. All conditions and rules must be met in order to obtain the expected results and obtain a happy family life.
The difference between Taaruf and Khitbah
Entering the age of 20 and above, many of us certainly start thinking about dating and marriage. Expectations about a marriage are certainly very human to think about. Because, from there you will start preparing the skills, knowledge, and materials to make this happen.
In Islam, a process leading to marriage will go through three stages. First is the ta’aruf, then the sermon, and finally the marriage contract. The current trend of ta’aruf has become one of the syar’i options to start a halal relationship. But before starting ta’aruf, you are required to ask someone who has been chosen and will be preached later, whether he has been preached by other men or not.
Because, ta’aruf and also the sermon is done before marriage. If you are still confused about the difference between the two, here are some explanations about the difference between khitbah and ta’aruf.
1. Taaruf is a process of getting to know, while preaching is a process of proposing
The stereotype about ta’aruf that makes you less familiar with your potential partner because of the lack of interaction is not true. Moreover, it is usually considered as “buying a cat in a sack”.
Through the ta’aruf process, you can dig up as much information as possible about a female or male candidate. Starting from his nature, hobbies, health conditions, dreams, and others. It’s just that, in the process, it must still be in accordance with Islamic Shari’a. That is, by being accompanied by an intermediary or mahram. The point is, you can get to know each other more deeply without excessive interaction.
While the sermon belongs to betrothed or betrothed. Ta’aruf is a series of processes before the sermon itself. Isn’t it possible for both of them to get engaged without knowing each other? One more thing you need to understand, you don’t need to spread the application information to the public. Because it is feared that undesirable things will happen before the marriage contract is performed.
2. In the Ta’aruf Phase, You Can Still Go Back Without Feeling Guilty
It’s good that during the ta’aruf process, you do it without feeling embarrassed first. Because the ta’aruf process is not easy. Maybe you will fit in, but maybe you will feel that you don’t fit in. Ta’aruf time means the moment of exploration between you and that person to find compatibility. If it turns out not to be a good match, then you and he can cancel it or back out without too much heartache.
If in the time of ta’aruf you can still be given a choice, it is different with the sermon process. Here it will be very difficult for men to cancel it. But the woman still has the right to accept or reject it. Again, ta’aruf is one of the factors that can influence the success of the preaching process.
3. Before taaruf equip yourself with knowledge, before sermon equip yourself with blessings
Although in language ta’aruf is a process of getting to know. But the term ta’aruf itself developed to describe an introduction between a man and a woman towards the stage of marriage. Because, the initial intention directly binds with a serious relationship, so you must equip yourself with enough knowledge. That is around marriage before you start ta’aruf. For example, what are the rights and obligations of a husband and wife to how to educate children who are not in school subjects.
When the ta’aruf process is underway, you also need to tell your parents or family about your candidate. Because, you must receive their permission before stepping to a more serious level, which is the preaching process.
4. Taaruf still gives time to think, while the sermon should hasten the time of marriage
In the ta’aruf process, you and the candidate are still given the opportunity to think again. The pause time given at the time of scouting is usually used for istikhara prayer. Each candidate will pray and discuss with the family. If the desire to preach is already there on the part of the man, then the woman has the right to rethink until she finds the answer.
That is very different from the sermon that opens the way to marriage. When you and the candidate have accepted each other. So it is best to hurry up the wedding. Because, after the preaching process, the next stage is the marriage contract.
Why is it urgent? Because, after finishing the sermon, one’s heart will be very easily filled with the seeds of love that are feared will make you and the candidate fall into the sin of adultery. In addition, there are other temptations that have the potential to ruin a marriage. So, the sooner you get married the better.
Those are some explanations about the meaning of the sermon and the procedures in doing it. Hopefully it will be useful for those of you who want to have a marriage process that is in accordance with Islamic law.